I'm not

perfect...

"She's dating."

"But she wasn't going to date for a year..."

"I know. She's dating now."

She sighed and continued to listen, but her mind was elsewhere. She's dating, too? Look at me. I'm eighteen years old and I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even been on a date! What's wrong with me? She gave the correct responses and pretty soon said she had to get off the phone. "Bye, Rayne."

"Bye, Rachel."

Throughout the day she worked on her report for her senior project and cleaned her room. The thoughts kept swirling in her mind. Why have I never dated? What's wrong with me? Am I ugly? Am I boring? Why does no one ask me out?

She sat at her computer, wanting to write on her stories, but unable to string together the proper words. She only thought of guys. She had known plenty of guys in her life time and some of them were pretty nice. But it all came back to her question. What's wrong with me? "I wish...that for just a little bit, at least, I had a boyfriend," she said softly to the mirror.

I know. a voice replied.

She jumped and looked around the room. No one was there but Raven, the cat. She peeked out into the hallway. No one was in sight. Who said that? she thought nervously.

I did. I know you want a boyfriend, Rachel, but have you ever thought that I have plans for you?

Oh. It's you, God. Well, I know you have plans for me...but it just doesn't seem right that everyone has boyfriends except for me.

Merlin doesn't have a boyfriend.

Are you just trying to be funny?

Rachel, do you trust me?

She paused for a moment, thinking. "Lord, I trust you," she said aloud, feeling the words had more potency when spoken into the silence.

But do you trust me with your life? Do you trust that I know what's best for you and will take care of you?

"Of course I do, Lord," she replied, hoping that no one else could hear.

She realized Raven was looking at her strangely, but she kept up what seemed like a one-sided conversation. "I trust you...but, Lord, I want this so much!" she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.

She felt a warmth in the very depths of her soul. I know you, Rachel. I know your wishes and dreams. I know your wants and needs. Look at t he birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet I feed them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

"Now you're quoting scripture," she said, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

What better way to speak to you? If I have decided that it would be best for you to not have a boyfriend right now, will you trust my decision?

"Do I really have much of a choice?" she asked wryly.

Yes, you do.

"Well...if you really think it's best for me...I guess I can't argue with that. When, Lord? When can I have my heart's desire?"

When you are ready.

"How can I be ready? How does that happen?"

When you are satisfied with what you have.

"Being single? Oh, Lord, can't you give me something easier? I mean, I'm really not satisfied and I don't think I'll ever be. I just feel so inferior to all the other girls who have boyfriends. They're pretty and--"

Rachel, you are beautiful to me. Can you be satisfied with me?

"You make me sound horrible. I love you, Lord. I can try to be satisfied with what I have...but I can't do it without your help."

That's my girl.

The voice did not speak anymore, but she felt a strange warmth, as if two loving arms held her close.

just

forgiven...